Edisms

If you've ever watched Ed, Edd, and Eddy on Cartoon Network, you know how strange and random the things Ed says can be. My obsession with this strangeness has led me to watch several episodes of the show and archive my favorites... and here they are.

• "I must have blood! Let me bite yours!"
• "Eddy is my ideal pal, soft and cuddly like mashed potatoes."
• "Not to mention a duck!"
• "I'm a gazelle! Oink!"
• "So if I join the party, can I be a tarantula...or a salamander?"
• "Eddy! You look good for a cock-a-roach."
• "Ketchup! ... Just a squirt?"
• "If only we had a sack of potatoes!"
• "It's the phantom of the earwax..."
• "Can we visit the planet of bacon men and have the marrow sucked from our bones?"
• "Service is my middle toe!"
• "I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row Row Row Your Boat through the car wash!"
• "One plus one equals one on a bun!"
• "What a tree bark!"
• "That's right son. A mind is a terrible organ to shovel."
• "Fools! As it is my turn to ride the cluck ball! Look up my nose and see your future!"
• "Your wish is my lunch!"
• "My mom says not to pick my belly button."
• "I am the cotton swab! Release the wax, ear person!"
• "I collect sponges, Eddy!"
• "One Double-D, hold the onions."
• "My dad has a shovel!"
• "First one there's a rotton egg!"
• "I'm a woodpecker! (WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!) 'cept with dirt."
• "I am dead from the neck up."
• "I am a lump."
• "Polly wanna cracker! Arf Arf Arf! Tweet Tweet!"
• "Take me to your plumber!"
• "The maple has landed!"
• "Cheep cheep cheep cheep! Feed me!"
• "Shush. My yeast is rising."
• "Do you have corn in your ears, mister?"
• "Hey, burr-head! I will now inflict pain on you!"
• "I must find the lizard man, Eddy!"
• "Say pretty please with two eggs and a slice of bacon!"
• "I am a lizard! Oink oink oink!"
• "Giddyup, mutant horse!"
• "I smell waffles, guys!"
• "Imported by an armored truck from the House of European Weiners..."
• "Give 'em what they want! Can openers!"
• "Don't take my mouth! Don't take my mouth!"
• "It's not just a gym bag, Double-D! It's a way of life!"
• "My fantasy come true! I am buttered toast!!"
• "My head is snoring. Make it stop."
• "Ow, my liver! Ow, my lasagna!"
• "Eddy! Carrots are good for your eyes. Can they dial a phone?"
• "Like potato salad?"
• "Cotton gravy!"
• "I love chickens, Eddy!"
• "I know what she'll do, and it won't be fresh linen."
• "Have mercy, child of the netherworld!"
• "I wish I had four stomachs!"
• "Hurry, Eddy! We have to find rotton spaghetti noodles!"
• "Now Double-D, it is very important that you give Eddy these pancakes!"
• "I am one with my shoe size, Double-D!"
• "I say the cheese is always twice the fence-post!"
• "Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?"
• "Rolf's got a goat, Sarah!"
• "Hey, let's bake a pie and hit me with it!"
• "Like walnuts?"
• "Sarah likes to watch me eat yogurt from my belly button."
• "'A' is for helping, which comes from a tree! 'B' is for lifting Edd and Eddy! 'C' is for grapefruit, which I don't like one bit! Except with cranberry relish and a sprig of--"
• "Look at that macaroni behind your ears, mister."
• "I have become Chameleon Man!"
• "I found my sensitive side, 'cause it has a rash!"
• "Has anybody seen my egg?"
• "Like a sponge, thirsty I am!"
• "I bet that key unlocks big gates of molten lava, releasing the demons from a box of oat bread on the shelf of a mutant truck stop!"
• "Pass the mustard!"
• "I wish I had a turtle shell!"
• "Isn't Jonny scared the vultures will get him!?"
• "Can somebody scratch my scales?"
• "Horrible it was! A giant Swedish meatball with a blood-curdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling ground chuck!"
• "Here, Eddy! Lots of hurt, hold the onions!"
• "AHH! FLOUNDER!"
• "I love canoes!"
• "My place is the cat's tuxedo, guys!"
• "Why-may m-ne, I say, Edd."
• "Can I cater a party??"
• "Barnacle!"
• "Bye bye, sock!"
• "I've been a good towel rack, Eddy."
• "Who brought the tartar sauce??"
• "I claim this planet in the name of Ed, bringer of bacon!"
• "Because I am a brother, and Eddy's brother is a brother, and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother as a brother I am!"
• "Eddy, who is in the kitchen with Dina?"
• "I make a game out of mine, Eddy. See? It's a boat!"
• "Those aren't rabbits, Double-D, those are bunnies!"
• "That twig looks like Sara."
• "I am a dino-head! Raaaarr!"
• "Hey, Plank, your mom is calling!"
  New Ones:
• "Two chickens are better than one!"
• "I must obey my master, Baron O'Beef Dip!"
• "Open up and say 'Bob', Double-D!"
• "I spent your money on jawbreakers, Sarah! Have pity, for I cannot control my brain!"
• "It is the ghost of Evil Tim! He will dissect our internal organs and feed them to the minions of Hades!"
• "Whack me! Whack me! Whack me! Whack me!"
• "There, there. Santa forgives."
• "Polka time! (singing) I'm too fat for you! You're too fat for me!"
• "Swiggity-swag, what's in the bag?"
• "Canadians are weird."
• "Cheer up, mister. Let Ed dry those--(SMASH, a cement block falls on his feet) ... I should have all the feeling back in my feet after this word from our sponsors, Double-D."
• "My mom loves can-openers! Are moms girls?"
• "Aaaaah!! The book is attacking!"
• "Rolf lost his hand? Boy, that is so sad! ... Maybe if he wore a rubber glove, no one would notice."
• "Hiya, kids! Say, did you guys catch the show with the guy with the biggest toenails guy? Boy, that is the life."
• "To fleece the masses!"
• "You are not alone, my friend. I dream of pipes too."
• "Look at it probe!!"
• "Release me, mutant bag! Have mercy!"
• "Oh no! You gotta help me, guys! Sarah will tell Mom and Mom will tell Dad and Dad will say not now I just got home from work!"
• "I feel like a doormat. Can it be love?"
• (thinking) "Hello? (Hello?)... Echo!! (Echo!!) My name is Ed!"
• "A pretty brick for Nazz!"
• "Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs..."
• "Come back, Slovak jawbreaker, wherever you are!"

PLEASE! If you find any more good ones, PLEASE email them to me at Odlor@yahoo.com!