Roosters and Rhymes

* flyingcats needs to a) get a job and b) stop buying music.
Cynthia: fc: Those two needs sound disturbingly familiar.
flyingcats: Cynth: Yeah, it's all your fault.
flyingcats: Mostly.
* Cynthia needs a job, too. Can anyone offer her one?
Zullin: fc never shows up for work, so I may have an opening soon.
Zullin: Are you a good cook?
flyingcats: HEY
Cynthia: Not really.
Zullin: Ah, well. How about shopping? Are you a good shopper?
Cynthia: I definitely rule at that game.
Zullin: Having servants would be so great.
Zullin: I think I would assign one to wake me up three hours too early, then say he had made a mistake and that I could go back to sleep for three more hours. That's the best feeling.
flyingcats: You could just get an alarm clock.
flyingcats: Or a rooster.
flyingcats: Or ten roosters.
Matthew: Or a rooster and an alarm clock.
flyingcats: Or a rooster alarm clock.
Cynthia: Or ten roosters and ten alarm clocks.
Matthew: Or an alarmed rooster.
Zullin: I don't know if that would be the same. Although the rooster-clock combination does intrigue me.
Matthew: Attached to a toaster.
Maryam: Mm, huge chunk of bread.
Matthew: You'd have to fight the rooster for it then, though. I didn't think of that.
Maryam: In case you've all wondered, Matthew types these things with a perfectly straight face.
Zullin: Ah, that would be tricky. I mean, I could certainly win a fight against a rooster, but I wouldn't want to injure it.
Matthew: And why shouldn't I?
flyingcats: You could just eat it for breakfast.
Matthew: Zullin: It'd be really early in the morning, too.
flyingcats: Then you'd need a new rooster each day. It'd still probably be cheaper than a slave waking you up each morning.
flyingcats: *servant
Matthew: With any luck, it'd get stuck in the toaster and cook itself.
Matthew: So you would need a good supply of roosters.
Matthew: You'd need to employ someone to look after them.
Matthew: So you're stuck with the servant any way you go.
Zullin: Such is life, I suppose.
Matthew: It'd be a bit like that puzzle. Trying to wake up without leaving the rooster and the bread alone together.
Zullin: I wonder how expensive roosters are.
Matthew: Or the servant and your huge piles of cash.
Matthew: Tie them to the toaster, too. Problem solved.
whitehelm: Then what if the cash gets burnt in the toaster?
Zullin: Ah, yes. Then I would just have to be careful never to let the toaster out of my sight.
Matthew: No, keep the cash under the bed.
Matthew: Where toasters dare not venture.
Matthew: Because toasters dare not do anything much other than make bread hot.
Matthew: And electrocute people in baths. Make sure you don't sleep in the bath.
flyingcats: A guy got electrocuted in a bath in the movie I just saw.
Zullin: That's where the servants usually sleep.
Zullin: I might be able to kill two birds with one stone.
Matthew: It'd be a good wake-up call, but it's kind of final.
Cynthia: Your servants are birds?
Matthew: Your toaster is stone?
whitehelm: Zullin: Then you wouldnt have anyone to take care of your roosters
Matthew: Cynthia kind of beat me to that one, so I had to change it a little.
Zullin: I was speaking figuratively. Except for the rooster.
Matthew: Roosters are far too literal for that namby-pamby nonsense.
Matthew: They'd call a spade a spade, if they knew what a spade was.
Wes has entered.
Matthew: I doubt they'd be able to call a toaster a toaster, though.
Zullin: If one of my servants could *speak* rooster, that would make things easier.
whitehelm: Just get one of those telepathic servants
Matthew: He could warn them not to get in the bath.
Matthew: Oh, wait, then he might be tempted to conspiracisify with them.
Zullin: I'd have to keep him on a short leash.
Matthew: The last thing you'd want is for a rooster uprising, stealing your wads of cash and your toaster.
Matthew: And maybe the bath, if it was shiny and had gold taps and stuff.
whitehelm: And then hire your servants away from you
Zullin: God, yes. I'll have to be firm. If a rooster sees you being lenient once, it's all over.
Matthew: And you'd know nothing of it until you woke up really late with a soggy bedroom.
whitehelm: And then you would have no way to wake up in the morning
Zullin: Yep, the whole scheme doesn't seem as attractive anymore.
Matthew: It might be best to get a servant who isn't fluent in roosterese.
Matthew: The roosters alone wouldn't pose much of a problem. They need the opposable thumbs and the ability to see over steering wheels.
Zullin: Well, those are easy enough to find.
Zullin: Perhaps I could hire a fox.
Matthew: God, no.
Matthew: You wouldn't want anything that cunning around.
Matthew: You're trying to keep it stupid, remember.
Zullin: What if I tied the fox up, too? But with clear string, so the roosters wouldn't know, and would still fear it.
Matthew: The fox'd pull his wily ways to lure them in and free him.
Matthew: Then whammo, cash bed toaster car gone.
Zullin: I see your point.
Matthew: Better off sticking with things like dogs and the Welsh.
whitehelm: How about replacing the whole system with a rhino. It can't steal things and it can wake people very easily.
Matthew: They're happy enough as long as you keep them fed and let them out into the grounds every now and then.
Zullin: whitehelm: You never know who might be hiding inside a "rhino."
Matthew: And rhinos are huge. They might break the bath.
Zullin: All right, I really have to go to sleep now.
whitehelm: Oh yeah. That could be a problem.
Matthew: Don't forget to set the rooster.
Zullin: I'll come up with some sort of temporary system for tonight.
* Cynthia will just face north and scream really loud.
flyingcats: Yeah, I'll send you a poastcard.
flyingcats: Post.
Matthew: How about a system of pulleys and levers?
Zullin: Send me a toastcard.
Matthew: That'd rock, but it'd get all of your other mail jammy.
whitehelm: You could never go to sleep. Then you dont HAVE to wake up.
Cynthia: whitehelm: That's a great idea in the short term.
Zullin: I could never wake up. Then I wouldn't HAVE to wake up.
Zullin: But then I would be dead, or in a coma.
Matthew: You need a backup plan in case the icy fingers of sleep wrap themselves around your mind.
Cynthia: Right. Like a British guy in the room who talks to you about accents and snakes.
Zullin: I'm sure I'll think of one in the next three minutes. Bye!
Matthew: Or a snake in the room.
Matthew: Who talks to you in accents.
[Cynthia->Matthew] *rattle*
Cynthia: Bye!
Maryam: Bye!
flyingcats: Bye!
Zullin has left.
Matthew: Snake rhymes with cake.
Cynthia: Rhymes with lake.
Matthew: Cake's nice. So are lakes.
Matthew: Not all snakes are nice, though.
Matthew: So you should never trust thymes.
Matthew: Or rhymes, rather.
Matthew: Although that thyme looks shifty, too.
Matthew: And shifty rhymes with nifty, which is what cakes are. Cool!
flyingcats: You always make me hungry. d00000d.
flyingcats: You = RinkChat, generally
Matthew: I just do that to encourage people to get food, so that I can take it from them.

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